Uphill

So far today is not a good day.  It's always the same, I have a couple of decent days and then I have several bad days.  Always the bloody same.  I just can't see the light at the end of the tunnel - the only light I think is the train coming towards me.  Days like today I worry that friends are just just there out of pity rather than genuine friendship, that I am burden to them when they are having fun. I worry that some of the people I work with think I'm just skiving  - if they could see or feel how days like today are maybe they would understand.  Stupid thoughts I know but they won't stop or go away.

Is there a trigger to this cycle or is it just my subconscious punishing me for daring to feel OK on Monday and yesterday?  I don't know - does anybody.  It's days like this that sometimes make wonder if there is any point but then I remember the good things and they keep me from doing something stupid.  The love of my Mary and the support of the rest of my family and friends are all that keep me sane and fighting back.

Thanks for being there folks.